It was dark days in the Kingdom. The King's trusty steed, Knees, was rendered lame. Instead, the King - devilishly handsome and wonderfully benevolent - busied himself toiling in the fields; playing with his casual band of minstrels; attending the tremendous displays of derring-do by the King's Regiment. Meanwhile, the Queen prepared the Royal household for its relocation across the sparkling waters of the great River Stour, into the hinterlands of Iford.
But none of this could hide the fact that the King was avoiding his duties. A great malaise was spread over the land. The waters of the lagoon lay undisturbed. He found solace in wine and beer. The twin trolls, Sloth and Gluttony, hid under the palace drawbridge, awaiting their chance to ambush the King. People all over the land beseeched the messengers of the court to bring them news of the King, but they could not, for he could not even find the heart to update his blog.
But news reached the King of great trouble. A great dragon, Paa-Krunne, had come down from the mountains, and was now troubling the peasants in the King's Park. The King discussed the situation with his advisors. Everyone expected the King to do something, but he feared for the still recovering Knees. He did not want to show his vulnerability in a battle that he might lose. But when the time came, the King knew what had to be done. This was the opportunity he needed to show his people his bravery and courage. He knew that he must take Knees into battle, and slay the dragon - in under 25 minutes.
On the high plateau of the Park, the King laid eyes upon the dragon. It was still 3.1 miles distant, but the King was brave of heart and strong of head. He was surrounded by his loyal troops - Sir Greg, once rumoured to have slain the dragon in just 22 minutes; Sir Kennedy and his young trainee, Master Henry; Dame Black; Lord John of Motson. Urging Knees into a gallop, the King rode steadily but quickly.
Paa-Krunne was still a mile away when the pair came to the Marsh of Fatigue. A fog hung heavy over the marsh, and Knees struggled to make headway through the soft ground. The King was by now alone, and ruing his earlier pace. He was longing for a tavern in which to rest, when he passed by a fair maiden.
"'Tis a tortuous journey, my lord," spoke the maiden.
"Verily it is. But we have come so far, and we are so near," replied the King.
"What is your quest?," she quizzed.
"I have come to slay the beast in under 25 minutes"
The maiden, red hair funnelled into a thick plait down her back, considered the quest. "Then I think you are travelling well, sire. In this marsh I fear I have lost my way, and I shall not reach my destination today".
"Then we shall travel together, fair maiden, for I too am lost in this terrible place. I am Sir Mark," said the King. He did not wish to reveal his true identity, for he was humble, as well as devilishly handsome and wonderfully benevolent.
"I am Lady Kate."
"I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Come, we must not tarry, for the dragon is near."
Together they travelled, from the Marsh of Fatigue, through the Woods of Twisted Ankle. The tales they told along the way passed the time, and compelled them onwards.
At the summit of the Hill of Doubt, they found the lair of the dragon, and inside, the awakening beast. It noticed the brave adventurers. The Hill of Doubt had sapped their energy, but they reminded each other of the rich rewards that awaited the completion of their quest. The dragon reared up and beat its massive wings. It was angry, and its fiery breath scorched the muscles and took away their breath.
"We must aim for the heart, Sir Mark. Gird your loins, for now is the time we must attack."
"Aye, Lady Kate. Attack we shall."
The party advanced upon the dragon, deftly avoiding its attacks. The King charged at full speed. The good horse Knees was now at his limits.
"Sprint now, Sir Mark, if you are to accomplish your quest!," squealed Lady Kate.
As Knees buckled beneath him, the King plunged his sword deep into the heart of Paa-Krunne. The beast let out a moan that reverberated throughout the Kingdom, and slumped to the floor. It was slain. The King glanced at his most ancient Garmin to see that he had completed his quest in 24 minutes and 20 seconds.
As light returned to the Kingdom, the people rejoiced, and once more did the King update his blog.
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